An oldie but a goodie...

People who know me may tell you that while I feel strongly about many rules of grammar, there is one misuse of words that irks me beyond all others…less/fewer. I think the reason for this is twofold: 1. It comes up all the damn time and 2. It has a rule to fix it that is both easy to remember and simple to apply.

It really is ubiquitous these days. For example, behold this photo taken by my fellow blogger KMS:

I believe this was in a little establishment called Starbucks. Perhaps you’ve heard of it? Oh, and a Starbucks in England, so this is therefore an issue of international proportions (Queen’s English, my ass)

Fewer napkins. Actually, shouldn’t it be fewer serviettes over there? That’s an issue for another time though (An addendum: it has recently come to my attention that, apparently, it the great British class system of back-in-the-day, saying "serviette" was considered lower class while "napkin" was used by the upper class. Who knew?)

Here's another one that is particularly bothersome from TBS. That's the Turner Broadcasing System. It’s a superstation, people. Broadcasting nationwide. Anyway, they have a whole ad campaign touting:

Sigh. Fewer. Fewer commercials. Not less, fewer.

I understand that people like the dichotomy of more/less. It flows off the tongue. “More or less” is a popular English idiom. If asked, most people will tell you that the opposite of more is less. The two go together. Except when they don’t. Think of More as a player. Yes, he’s seeing Less, but they are not exclusive. More is free to hook up with Fewer whenever the mood strikes him.

And as I said, this would bother me less (not fewer) if there wasn't an easy way to determine whether you are using the correct word in a particular case. But there is, people.

Look, I know grammar can be difficult and annoying. To use who/whom correctly you have to identify the object of a sentence. I’m constantly debating the relative merit of using an comma vs. a dash vs. a semicolon. I often have to pause an think about whether the quote goes inside or outside the quotation marks (which incidentally, is another thing that varies depending on if you are in the U.K. or the U.S., and the Brit way makes so much more sense.) But less/fewer is so easy to figure out, it’s ridiculous

All you have to do is remember this: “Less money, fewer dollars.” Less is abstract, fewer is a measurable amout. If you can count the thing you are talking about and it makes sense, i.e. “one dollar, two dollars, three dollars” then you use fewer. If it doesn’t make sense: “one money, two monies, three monies” you use less. See? Less time, fewer hours. Less travel, fewer trips.

Let’s try it: one napkin, two napkins, three napkins. Fewer napkins. One commercial, two commercials, three commercials. Fewer commercials.

Less money, fewer dollars. Embrace it, people. It's the "righty tighty, lefty loosey" of the grammar world.